Hogwarts Castle Oblivion
by Kazeri
Summary: Summary: In the summer of 2005, everybody in Organization XIII has finished reading Harry Potter: And The Half Blood Prince, so they decide to make a play about all the events in the Harry Potter series. [Crack fic][Harry PotterKingdom Hearts crossover]
1. Chapter 1

Summary: In the summer of 2005, everybody in Organization XIII has finished reading Harry Potter: And The Half Blood Prince, so they decide to make a play about all the events in the Harry Potter series. Crack fic, Harry Potter/Kingdom Hearts crossover

Disclaimer: I **do not** own Kingdom Hearts _or_ Harry Potter _or_ Star Wars. Wish I did, because then I'd be rich...but I don't. So there.

Some credit to my friend, Lynn! She edited and helped make this story.

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"You guys! You guys! We should make a Harry Potter play!" Roxas exclaimed.

"Great idea Roxas!" Xaldin said. "You can be a random person in every scene that just stands there!"

"But I suggested the idea..." Roxas whined. "Nuuuuuu..."

"Well fine then," Xaldin growled. "You can be Harry Potter."

"But I wanted to be Harry Potter..." Zexion protested.

"HaHA." Demyx laughed. Zexion pouted.

"I wanna be Hermione!" Marluxia piped up.

"Marluxia, you're a guy. You can't be Hermione." Xigbar pointed out.

"I…uh…um...So?" Marluxia said carefully. _Yes Marluxia…you are a man. _He thought.

Xigbar sighed.

"I shall be DUMBLEDORE!" Xemnas exclaimed proudly, jabbing his finger into the air. "MUAHAHAHAHAA!"

"Fine, you can be Dumbledore." Demyx said. "I WANNA BE THE DIRECTOR!"

"I WANNA BE GINNY." Axel shouted, running around in circles. "MEEHEE."

"Okay, and Larxene will be Malfoy." Demyx said calmly.

"What!" Larxene screamed, choking on her carrot. "I don't wanna be that asshole!"

"Oh well." Demyx said. "Next on the list...Xemnas! You can be Dumbledore."

"YES!" Xemnas screamed. "I HAVE POWER!"

"You die." Axel stated bluntly.

"I...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." Xemnas cried like Darth Vader.

"I WANNA BE LUKE SKYWALKER!" Xaldin yelled aloud.

"Luke Skywalker is in Star Wars stupid. Not in Harry Potter." Zexion said, annoyed by Xaldin's stupidness.

"...So? Darth Vader's in Star Wars." Xaldin said, pointing to Xemnas.

"Xaldin, you're Crabbe." Demyx said, who magically had glasses and a clipboard.

"I'm not a crab!" Xaldin yelled at him, jumping up and down.

"No, Crabbe. The fat guy who walks around with Malfoy all day, and protects him from Teddy Bears and Unicorns." Demyx said, checking off some stuff on his clipboard.

"..." Was all Xaldin...said?

"Okay...next is...Vexen." Demyx said, the glasses sliding down his nose.

"Heeeeey?" Vexen said.

"YOU'RE NOT COOL ENOUGH TO SAY THAT VEXEN!" Roxas spazzed.

"Vexen, you're Snape, because you're both creepy old men." Demyx said. "Next. Lexaeus, you're Goyle."

"DOUBLE YOO TEE EFF." Lexeaus screamed, earning him weird looks from the other members. "Er...I mean okay."

"Now..." Demyx flipped through some pages on his magical clip board. "Zexion...you are..."

"Yes? YES!" Zexion cried breathlessly, jumping up and down clasping his hands together.

"Mad Eye Moody."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..." Zexion cried just like Xemnas who was imitating Darth Vader who was imitating Brad Pitt.

"Shut the hell up and get on with it." Luxord said. Everyone gasped.

"YOU SAID A BAD WORD!" Axel screamed, pointing a skinny finger at him.

"Hell isn't a bad-" Everyone gasped again.

"LUXORD GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW." Xemnas cried, in a high-pitched voice that made him sound like Marluxia. Luxord walked out of the room sadly, muttering to himself.

"Hey!" Marluxia yelled at the author.

"Excuuuuuuuuuse me Princess!" She yelled back.

"Okay..." Everyone said, looking around to find the source of the well-placed comment.

"Saïx, you are..."

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Tune in next time to see what Saïx is cast as! Please R&R.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Harry Potter, or Star Wars or anything. The only thing I own is the name and character Kazeri, whom only appears for a second.

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"...not gonna get told your part yet. Haha!" Demyx told Saïx.

Saïx glared at Demyx.

"Okay, Xigbar...you're gonna be Ron because I said so." Demyx pointed at Xigbar, who had been fooling with a ChipClip he found on the table. "And get that thing off your nose."

"Noooo, it's a fashion statement!" Xigbar refused. "Who's gonna be Lavender?"

"NOT ME." Saïx yelled. "NO WAY IN HELL AM I GONNA BE IN LOVE WITH XIGGY!"

Everyone stared at Saïx, completely ignoring the fact that he also said 'hell'.

"Well Saïx, seeing as you're gonna be--" Demyx started, but was cut off by Saïx yelling, 'TELL ME.'

"Shut up, you're Slughorn."

"YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME." Saïx exploded. A vien in his temple was clearly visible, bulging out of his forehead. "That guy's a fatso!"

"Then it's perfect casting!" Somebody yelled. Everyone laughed, including Saïx until he realized he was laughing at himself and he had just been insulted, causing him to freak out some more. Axel grabbed a bowl of popcorn and watched him with great amusment.

"Geez, what's your problem? Slughorn isn't so bad." Vexen said.

"Shut up, old man." Saïx spat.

"Who're you calling old, you've got grey hair!"

"Hey, now you're calling me old!" Xemnas shouted. Vexen was then 'mysteriously' blasted backwards into a wall. Xemnas bowed and everyone applauded.

"Okay...back on topic..." Demyx studied his clipboard. "Since nobody else has volunteered, Marluxia is Hermione."

"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD." Marluxia screamed at the top of his lungs. "OHMAGODOHMAGODOHMAGOD-"

"Shut up!" Larxene yelled at him, kicking his shin.

"AAAAARRGGHHHH YOU KILLED ME." Marluxia screamed again and fell to the floor, writhing in pain. Larxene looked at her foot then a big smile came on her face.

"WHO WANTS A PIECE OF ME? EH? EH! EHHHHHH!" Everyone slowly backed away.

"OKAY, BACK ON TOPIC-"

"Quit saying that Demyx!" Roxas hollered.

"MEEHHHHH." Demyx bellowed. "Okay, so...Xemnas is Dumbledore, Xigbar is Ron, Xaldin is Crabbe, Vexen is Snape, Lexaeus is Goyle, Zexion is Mad Eye Moody, Saïx is Slughorn, Axel's Ginny, I'm the director, Luxord got kicked out, Marluxia's Hermione, Larxene is Malfoy-"

"Hmph."

"-and Roxas is Harry Potter."

"You're a wizard Roxas!" Axel exclaimed.

"Well you're a witch." Roxas countered.

And then Kazeri appeared told everyone to read the fanfic "I Miss You" and to review while everybody stared at her. She waved her arms and then she disappeared.

"...I have a sudden urge to read a fanfic called "I Miss You" and review." Zexion said quietly.

"...Me too." Said Axel.

"YOU GUYS ARE SOOOOOOOO RETARDED!" Demyx said loudly. "Now let's get this show on the road!

"...Okay." Lexaeus said very quietly. "Do...we have...scripts?" Everyone stared at the _Silent_ Hero.

"Oh ma god he talks." Marluxia said.

"YES WE DO HAVE SCRIPTS, THEY'RE CALLED THE FREAKING BOOKS." Demyx said chucking _Harry Potter And The Order Of The Pheonix_ at him. It bounced off Lexaeus' head while he stared off into space, drooling. "NOW GO MEMORIZE EVERYTHING YOUR CHARACTER EVER SAID IN THE WHOLE SERIES. DO IT. DO IT NOOOOOW."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..." Everybody groaned.

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	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Harry Potter, Eragon, Monty Python, Napolean Dynamite, or A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. else that's in this fanfic, okay?

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The next day, everyone went into the library to "study" their "scripts".

"Got it memorized!" Axel screamed at Larxene.

"Leave me alone Axel." Larxene said, burying herself into _Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban_.

"Well then commit it to memory!" Axel skipped away.

"Hey old man, got it memorized?" Axel asked Vexen, who was reading _Eragon_.

"Du- I...yeah." Vexen said, hiding his book, and pulling out _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone._

"YOU'RE ONLY ONE BOOK ONE!" Axel screamed at the top of his lungs. "YOU ARE SO SCREWED."

"I'm...reviewing." Vexen said quietly, ignoring the weird looks he was getting from other organization members.

"YOU BETTER BE." Axel yelled before he skipped away.

"...Hey Lexaeus...got it MEMORIZED?" Axel asked. He was hiding under the table Lexaeus was sitting at, who was holding his copy of _Harry Potter_ upside down.

"Huh...?" Lexaeus said.

"Got it MEMORIZED?"

"Whozzat?" The Stupid- I mean, _Silent_ Hero said stupidly.

"It's your mom." Axel said, trying to hide his laughter.

"Mommy where?" Lexaeus said, standing up and looking around. "Lexaeus got to find Mommy." And he walked away.

"...Ooookay." Axel said, crawling out from beneath the table and going to find somebody to annoy- er, I mean ask if they had it memorized.

He walked around for a few minutes until he spotted Roxas and Zexion. Roxas looked quite traumatized. He was reading _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_.

"Hey Roxas...got it memorized?" Axel asked.

"Zexion..." Roxas said, looking over to the other teenager.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to be Harry Potter anymore...you can be him." Roxas said, putting the book down. "In fact, I don't want to be in the play anymore." With that, he ran away.

"O...kay..." Axel picked up the book that Roxas had been reading and looked at the page he was reading.

"'Harry I love you and I want to be with you always, said Ginny?' What the hell? ...ROXAS! COME BACK HERE! YOU AND ME ARE SUPPOSED TO-"

"MY DREAM IS ABOUT TO BE REALIZED! OH MY GOD!" Zexion screamed as he did a happy dance. "I'M HARRY POTTER I'M HARRY POTTER! WHOOT WHOOT!"

"Zexion..." Saïx said. "SHUT THE HELL UP."

"Yeah!" Everybody agreed, ignoring the fact he had just said a 'bad word'.

"But I'm Harry Potter! I gotta do ma VICTORY DANCE!" Suddenly, disco lights appeared out of nowhere, and a dance floor appeared in the middle of the library. Zexion's clothes magically turned into a disco outfit and he calmly walked over to the dance floor and started to strut his moves, à la Napolean Dynamite, while everybody just stared in disbelief.

"OH MA GOD." Marluxia screamed all of a sudden. "HE'S DANCING LIKE A DISCO MAAAN." She- I mean he pointed to Zexion.

"Oh really?" Xigbar said.

"Yeah really!" Xaldin shouted.

"Quite really." Said Larxene. This started an O RLY fight.

After about twenty minutes, Zexion stopped, and his clothes went back to being the usual organization XIII black cloaks, where he went into the corner and buried himself in Harry Potter books.

"Oh...kay..." Demyx said. "EVERYBODY GO BACK TO YOUR...PLACES...JOBS...WHATEVER. GO. NOW. DO IT. DO IT NOOOOOOW." And everybody went back to their "places" and "jobs".


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do NOT own KH OR Harry Potter. Okay? Okay!

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"Okay, fools!" Demyx called. "How many of you actually managed to memorize your lines from _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone _to _Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince_?"

Only Zexion raised his hand, since Roxas was off barfing in one of Marluxia's flowerbeds. (He was reading book six, remember?)

"Zexy got it memorized!" Axel yelled, pointing at the Cloaked Schemer. Everyone ignored him.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" Demyx asked calmly. Ahem.

"You told us to memorize the whole series!" Saïx complained.

"Well SCREW YOU!" Demyx said. He must be going insane. "Anyways, there's been a cast change, it appears Roxas isn't as gay as the fangirls think so rather than being Harry Potter and kissing Axel, he gave the role to Zexion and coughed in technicolor in Marluxia's flowers."

Marluxia screamed and ran from the room with his arms out in front of him and eyes wide.

Zexion, unfortunately for him, overlooked the fact that Harry kisses Ginny and promptly sat on the floor, sucked his thumb and rocked back and forth mumbling 'I'm straight, I'm straight, I'm straight." over and over.

"Okay, what do I have to work with here…" Thought Demyx, looking around. Axel was jumping up and down (too much sugar in his coffee), Lexaeus was attempting to eat his books (and succeeding) and Marluxia had returned with a mostly green Roxas.

"LOOKAME I'M SUPERMAN!" Xigbar screamed in a high pitched voice running around the room with a blanket tied around his neck.

"Xigbar, you're not superman! You're Ron! Men..." Larxene muttered. Xigbar looked at her like she was mad, and continued to run around the room screaming "RON'S SUPERMAN WOOHOO!"

Roxas muttered something incohert while Axel ran around the room. Lexaeus proceeded to eat his 3rd Harry Potter book.

"Okay…let's start out with the very first page of Harry Potter!" Demyx said. "Wait... we need a Vernon Dursley."

"How about Luxord?" Xemnas asked.

"He's not fat enough." Demyx replied, deep in thought.

"But we're all freaking skinny! I mean, look at Axel…" Vexen muttered. "He's like the Flurry of Dancing Toothpicks."

"WHAT DA HELL!" Marluxia screamed. He then covered his mouth and muttered a quick sorry for ''swearing''.

"I'm straight, I'm straight, I'm straight…"

"EVERYBODY, SHADDUP! I HAVE AN IDEA!" Demyx screamed, somehow making a light bulb appear above his head.

Silence, except for Zexion, who seemed to think that it didn't apply to him. Of course, he appeared to have not heard. He was still trying to convince himself that he is one of the few straight men in the Organization. It was rather difficult seeing as he was sitting between Xemnas and Marluxia.

"Well?" Vexen finally asked.

"LUXORD CAN BE VERNON DURSLEY! AHAHAHAHA I'M SO SMART!" Demyx danced around the room.

Silence.

"OKAY!" Everybody agreed. So Luxord would be Vernon. He should be insulted.

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"Hello Vernon. How are you this ev-en-ing?" Xemnas said in a monotone to Luxord, who just stared at him.

"…What am I supposed to say again?" Luxord asked Demyx, who was sitting in his magical director's chair.

"You say 'I'm good tonight Dumbledore. Why is this stupid baby on my doorstep?' okay? Alright!"

Everybody ignored the fact that this is not how the book starts, it is actually Dumbledore, McGonagall and Hagrid dumping Harry and leaving.

"Oh, okay. Let me try again." Luxord cleared his throat, while Xemnas said his line again…for the 35th time.

"Hello VER-NON. How are YOU this EV-EN-ING?"

"Uh…oh right. You say I'm good tonight Dumble-dore. Why is this stu-pid bay-bee on my door STEP? Okay? Alright!" Luxord managed to say in one breath, in a monotone.

"CUT!" Demyx screamed. "GAH YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY SUCK ASS!"

Everyone stared.

"I'M DIRECTOR I CAN SWEAR IF I WANT!" Demyx screamed as one of his eyes twitched.

"Ahem."

"It's not OUR faults. We're freaking Nobodies, not award winning actors." Xemnas said angrily.

"ACTRESS HERE!" Larxene yelled at Xemnas.

"Yeah but you're portraying a guy, so it doesn't really matt- OUCH-EE MAMA." A lightning bolt had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and had struck Xemnas, causing him to scream OUCH-EE MAMA. What the hell?

"CUT! KAZERI I FUCKIN' SAID CUT!" Demyx screamed at the authoress.

"OKAY! JEEZ!" Her voice boomed down upon him.

**A/N:** Yeah, I know it was sad, but I really wanted to update. And the part where Luxord and Xemnas are acting, well…I just made that up so it sounded stupid. Lol. Hey, don't blame me, its past midnight…

I'd like to give a LOT of credit to my friend Lynn for starting out this update and editing it. Thank you!

Yeah, and it's _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_ because the original British name was Philosopher's, _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ makes it sound like it was any wizard's stone and because Lynn said so. So there.


	5. Important!

Okay, this isn't really a chapter, but oh well...I need to get it out of me.

In the past 2 days, I've only got **1** review. If I'm going to update again, I'm going to need at least **2** more reviews...

On another note, I'm really REALLY busy right now, and I have BARELY any time to go on. I'm making a movie with my friends and I'm in charge of...everything. Costumes, camera, props, directing...yeah. So you guys'll probably not have any updates for a few weeks or so...sorry...

So all in all: I'm not going to be able to update for the next few days, even weeks. So sorry.


	6. The End

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Harry Potter, Naruto or anything else mentioned in this fic.

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The props had been made, the stage had been built, and Zexion was still rocking back and forth muttering to himself that he was straight.

It was the night of the performance, and the Organization had assembled quite a few people. There was Sora, Riku, Kairi, and a whole bunch of lesser nobodies that probably wouldn't understand anything the Organization were saying. Oh well.

"To your places everybody! C'mon! LET'S MOOOOVE IT." Demyx screamed, throwing his arms and blank sheets of paper into the air. His was twitching madly.

"We're going to skip to scen 2057!! Has anybody forgotten their lines?!?!" Demyx demanded. Everybody nodded.

"GAAH YOU STUPID PEOPLE YOU ARE SUCH IDIOTS WHY AM I HERE KILL ME RIGHT NOW GRAAAAGHH." Demyx yelled, jumping out a window.

"...We're all screwed! YAY!!" Axel exclaimed.

"Without our dearly beloved director, what are we going to do?" Roxas asked, his big blue eyes looking very sad.

"SNARGHNNOOMIENOONIEPWA." Xigbar screamed, running around in circles. Obviously, he had had too much sugar.

"I LIKE TRAINS!" Larxene yelled.

"WE ARE ALL SO SCREWED." Axel screamed.

"DON'T WORRY!" Cried a voice above them. All the organization members looked up to see...SASUKE!! HAHAHAHAHAH.

No, it was Luxord.

"I'LL SAVE YOU FROM YOUR PERILOUS PLAY!" Luxord cried, jabbing a finger into the air. He was on top of one of the balconys, on the railing, and his Organization cloak was billowing in the non-existent wind.

"OH MY GOSH! LUXORD!!" Xemnas hollered. "YOU'RE SUPERMAN!!!"

"Yeah, you just keep believing that Xemnas." Luxord said, flying down and landing in front of the Organization members. "Since I don't have a lot of parts, playing VeRnOn DuRsLeY and all, I thought I'd get my superman costume out."

Everybody looked at his attire. It was his Organization coat, a red cape that looked more like a red Pokémon blanket, and...underwear on top of his head.

"I'm just THAT cool." Luxord said proudly. "Now! I shall take over the roll of the director, and we can get this show on the road!"

"Or the stage." Saïx said.

"HEY! CAN YOU HURRY UP?! I KINDA HAVE TO SAVE THE REST OF THE WORLDS HERE." Sora yelled from the audience.

"STFU N00B!" Xemnas yelled, opening the curtains a bit to fit his head in. "G0 DIE."

"LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!" Luxord bellowed.

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"...And that's the end of the show Gentlemen and Nobodies!" Larxene exclaimed.

"What about me?!" Kairi demanded.

"What about you?" Larxene asked.

"Grrrr..."

"THAT SHOW STUNK! YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY SUCK!!" Riku and Sora screamed at the Organization members. They started to throw tomatoes and potatoes- HEY THAT RHYMES! -and various other fruits, vegetables and tables at the cast.

"SCREWETH YOU...ETH!" Luxord bellowed at the top of his lungs. "I WASTED A WHOLE FIFTEEN MINUTES DIRECTING THESE MORONS!"

"Yeah, but all you did was have your stupid morons go onstage, say the show was cancelled and then leave!" Riku pointed out.

"IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO TEACH THEM TO SAY THAT!! AND AXEL TRIPPED AT THE END!!" Luxord screamed.

Axel wiped his eyes with a tissue. "That was the best part…"

The crowd continued to 'boo', except for the lesser Nobodies who were too stupid to figure out what happened.

Luxord ran over to the window. "I'LL JUMP!!" He threatened.

And of course, everyone ignored him.

"FINE." He hollered, and he jumped.

Out the window.

SPLAT.

That's right, a rotten tomato hit Marluxia right between the eyes with a big SPLAT.

Everyone laughed.

Xemnas finally came to his senses and realized that SORA and RIKU and KAIRI (Kairi of all people) were in his castle. HORRORS!!

To make a really short story even shorter, he kicked them out.

AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REST OF THE THIRTEENTH ORDER?!

There was a funeral for Demyx and Luxord, where everyone wore black even though they wear black anyways.

Xemnas continued to boss everyone around, Xigbar still believes he is a superhero, Vexen did some weird experiments on Xaldin, Lexaeus had stomach problems from eating all that paper, Saïx sent angry e-mails to everyone who spelled his name without the two dots over the i, and the authoress can't think of anything for Marluxia, Larxene and Roxas.

Zexion sees a therapist twice a week. He is slowly recovering and only rocks back and forth on Saturdays.

**_-The End-_**

A/N: Thats' the end of it! Hope you liked it!

Big thanks to my friend Lyni for writing the ending, since I couldn't think of anything else, PLUS I'M SICK. D 

Yeah.

The end.


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